A Cruise To Nowhere, But I Was Everywhere, On The Love Boat.
A three day cruise on the ship from TV Series "The Love Boat." The Captain said my antics made it his most memorable cruise...issue #103
ifOnlyi… wasn’t petrified to have to go and meet the Judge face to face soon, maybe these embarrassing events on the cruise ship wouldn’t have happened. Not knowing what was lurking for my future was affecting my psyche and my decisions.
After arriving home and things settled down, I think my Mom was feeling some remorse for the way she treated me while I was in Australia for six months. I have now had my missing contact lens replaced, the one I’d been begging for since arriving in Sydney six months earlier. I can now see clearly! What a weird but fantastic feeling.
Mom told me that she and my two sisters were going on a cruise ship called the Pacific Princess, part of Princess Cruises. It was marketed as a trip to nowhere. She said she booked a suite for all three of them and, luckily, managed to get a last-minute bed for me on the interior of the ship, but I would be sharing the room with a stranger.
I was excited, even though it was last-minute for me. Okay! I’m ready, let’s go!
Mom wanted to make a special deal out of this, as if we were embarking on the Titanic's maiden voyage across the Atlantic, so she asked her employees to show up and celebrate our departure and passed out bottles of Champagne to each. Champagne corks were flying off the ship and onto the boat, and we celebrated. Bon voyage!
Checking into my room, I found one empty bed, as my unknown roommate had already unpacked and was out drinking. The ship was soon about to sail, and the announcer had the speakers working, instructing everyone to come inside for training in emergency practices and requirements.
This ship was renamed in 1975 to Pacific Princess from the Sea Venture and used that name until 2002. After that, just the name Pacific. Our trip was in the height of the “ Love Boat TV series” in 1983.
We all got drinks and started to wonder, looking back as the ship set out to sea. It was the second time in my life that I had been on a cruise ship; the first time was in 1969, when I was a young boy traveling to Alaska with both my parents, my two-month-old newborn baby sister, my middle sister, and our Japanese nanny.
The drinks were free, as I recall, and I took full advantage of them. You could say I started too soon and drank too much, but I didn’t know the difference. I was going to have some fun, and I did, a lot of it.
Disco was still big during that time, and the dance lounge was open, but I needed a few more drinks to get going and get my feeling back again. I was single, and it was a perfect time, as there was a greater proportion of single people on this “Cruise to Nowhere”.
People I met were curious as to how I was so tan in February. In Southern California, we had sunshine, yes, but not enough to achieve the kind of tan I had built up between the summer of '82 and then the sun I got while living in Australia for six months; it never stopped. My tan got me into conversations, weirdly enough, and I danced with a lot of different people that night.
The ship had a small casino, and I was of age to pull a few slots and grab a few more drinks. I wandered back to my cabin to freshen up once again after the hours of dancing. Guess who I met? My Russian roommate! He poured himself a drink and offered me one. “No, no, I can’t stand Cognac,” I said, but he promptly replied, “Oh, this isn’t just Cognac, Ollie in his broken English. I add 7-Up.” "Perhaps that’s going to make a massive difference in my dislike of Cognac, I’m thinking.
Now I’m drinking something I certainly disliked, but rather than be rude, I squirmed and downed it in one! “Another Ollie?” he asked. “No, please. I need to run, as some people are waiting for me.” I stopped at another bar to get a drink to get the taste out of my mouth. I felt a bit under the weather, but the night was young.
I went back to the disco and hooked up with a few girls I was chatting with earlier, and started dancing once again. It seems I missed dinner. I didn’t know they had specific seating times, and as I was moving around the ship from place to place, taking it all in, dinner was already finished. Okay, keep dancing; no food needed, I thought, as I spent a great deal of time with one of the girls I liked, and we got along well. She was having a blast, and so was I.
She invited me back to her cabin, as she shared that she had some cold beers in her fridge, and off we went. The next thing I recall was a knock on the door. She jumped out of bed, Ollie, it’s my roommate, she says as I bolted the door so she couldn’t get in. I had no clue she had a roommate. WHAT! Get to the bathroom quickly! I grabbed all my clothes and ran in. When the door opened, she ushered me out fast so as not to be seen.
The next thing that happened was that I was awakened by the loudspeaker system in the room, saying, “Last call for breakfast, this is the last service until lunch.” My roommate was sitting on his bed, fully dressed, and began laughing, laughing hard. He didn’t stop. Why was he laughing? I thought? Ollie, do you remember last night? Yes, you do he replied. What do you mean?
What happened?
I was sleeping and kept hearing knocking from afar, which grew closer and closer. It was about 5 to 6 minutes in total before I decided to open up the cabin door to see why they were knocking. Perhaps something had happened, and they wanted people to get up and out.
But instead, at the time I opened the door, someone was handing you a sheet from a bed. Excuse me, handed me a sheet, yes, you were completely naked with one sock on, and the occupant gave it to you to wrap up. I heard you ask, “Is this my room?” You had been walking most of the hallway looking for our room. You must have knocked on 40 doors, Ollie, before I got you.
That’s when I walked down to grab you and take you to your bed. Oh, boy, am I going to hear some embarrassing stories about this today. I thought. I’m afraid you got to know a lot more people last night who didn’t know you before dinner.
I was starving, having gone without food the previous day, and I needed to rally and get showered quickly before running to Breakfast. I was also so embarrassed that I needed to leave the room and my roommate. He had already eaten his Breakfast. So off I went.
When I arrived in the dining room, it became silent, with no more loud chatter. As I looked around the room, I saw if my two sisters were there alongside my Mom. There they sat, waiting and waving. “Ollie, over here,” I heard my Mom call. As I walked towards them, the guests were extremely kind.
Questions and comments were coming rapidly, “How are you today, Ollie? How was your night, Ollie? Did you find your room, Ollie? Did you get any sleep, Ollie? Great to see you again, well dressed today, Ollie. You look different this morning, Ollie.”
“Can I have my sheet back, Ollie?” I heard someone yell from the back. I needed to turn around, go back to my bunker, crawl inside, and hide.
Mom says, “Breakfast is ready. Get a plate. Where were you last night?” One sister asks, “How do all these people know you, Ollie?” “Me, well, we danced a lot last night,” I replied. “No chance all those people danced with you, half the ship knows you, Ollie, how is that possible?”
Just about then, a member of the ship’s crew, wearing his all whites with strips on the top of his shoulders, came over to my Mom and asked if he could have a “Private” word. She got up and left the table. As she was walking with the gentleman, I could hear my name being spoken a bit louder, I might add. Ollie, Ollie, Ollie Ollie!
My Mom turned around and pondered what the hell was going on. I got up and grabbed another round of food to fuel my sore head and regain some sense of sensibility. Eating quickly in case something happened, I wanted to make sure I enjoyed my meal on the boat, if it were to be my last. I had little idea what was about to happen next.
My Mom arrives back, sits down; the room is almost emptied by now, with only three or four dozen people left. She looks at me with a stunned glare and says, “The Captain has invited all of us to his dinner table tonight. He was pretty intrigued with you yesterday and would enjoy having us as his guests.”
What did you do, Ollie? Everyone seems to know you. Why? I met quite a few people last night while disco dancing, then in the casino, and at the bar. “Why would the Captain want us at his table? Mom, perhaps he likes you, and maybe it’s you he wants to know better. After all, you and Dad are separated. “Something doesn’t seem right, Ollie. I don’t know why. Let’s enjoy the dinner later and find out, she replied.
After eating a bucket load of food to catch up on lost meals, I went back to the room, but this time, I knew exactly where it was, and I wanted to get there quickly. A husband and wife stopped me as I was about to climb a flight of stairs and asked, “How are you feeling today?” “Oh, Oh, hello,” I replied. They asked, “Do you remember knocking on our door in the middle of the night? We are two levels up from here.” That’s where my floor was; that’s where my roommate grabbed me.
My God! How many floors did I walk around looking for my room? My roommate thought it was just the one floor walking and knocking on our floor, now I hear I was two stories higher, knocking. No wonder so many people knew me and greeted me.
If my Mom finds out about this, she may have to disembark, out of total humiliation, but as of now, I am safe.
I was ready for some partying on this cruise to nowhere. While I was brushing my teeth and getting ready to go out, it was lunchtime, as the voice over the speakers in our room announced. “First service is now being served.” Not for me, I was as full as one can get. My roommate offered me another one of his mixtures as I was walking out, almost knowing I would get sick thinking about it.
I knew I had to take it easy as I was due for a Captain’s dinner at around 7:30 pm, and I had to have willpower.
The afternoon went by quickly, but I spent most of my time not drinking, but more apologizing to the plethora of people coming up to me throughout the afternoon, asking about last night. I had to leave the poolside and get away.
Some young women came up to me, reminding me of the wonderful time they had dancing and sharing my slot winnings from the casino with them. I didn’t remember giving away profits and winnings, but it has been a pattern in my life that I will speak of later. I think it comes from guilt, of winning something and others losing.
Deep down, I always went after people who were having the best time, creating memories that I could recall later in life. I think I hit the jackpot with my door knocking. Perhaps they are still discussing it today. (LOL).
By the time dinner was ready, I was thinking of ways to get out of the generous offer from our Captain. I realized if I did, I would be disowned by my Mom. In fact, more likely to be thrown out of the family’s house again. Here I go!
I dressed in my best and arrived at the table on time, and we were all awaiting the Captain to arrive. When he did, he brought a few more guests along with him. The table was complete, and the introductions started around the table. When they introduced me to a few of the guests, they said, “Yes, we met last night.”
My family went silent, and Mom asked, “You know them already, Ollie?” “I met a lot of people so far, Mom.” “Where?” she replied. It seemed the cat was going to get out of the bag. The Captain interrupted and proposed a toast. “Yes, let’s have a toast. I made sure everyone’s glasses were full because I might need to make quite a few toasts.” I was getting ill thinking of where this dinner conversation would go. Thank goodness we had to place our food orders, and the attention on me was fading.
The Captain seemed to know the events of my night, knocking and walking around in a sock, but he never brought it up. He focused on his table guests. As soon as dinner was over, I excused myself and left so I could hide from the family and find my Russian roommate. However, on the way, I was met by a group of young women who wanted to go dancing again. “Great, let’s go,” I replied. “Anything to hide?”
The night was as busy as the previous one, and too many people were giving me drinks, and every time I wanted to leave, it wasn’t going to happen.
The night ended, and the next thing I heard was the speakers in our room announcing that the first of the last Breakfasts were ready and would soon come to an end, as we were nearing the docks. I sat with my family, and we enjoyed Breakfast deep in conversation for the first time together during the short excursion. During the meal, Mom said, “Ollie, you’re being waved at by four beautiful young women at another table. They want you over.” “No, Mom, let’s finish Breakfast together. I want to be with the family.”
After Breakfast, I was walking to my room when one of them came to me and asked me to sit with them. They invited me to spend the Sunday afternoon and go out to dinner at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in Manhattan Beach, California, called “Pancho’s.”
That sounded super fantastic, I love that place.
We pulled up to the dock, and everyone was ready to get off the boat. I grabbed my luggage and, as I walked off, there was a line of people on both sides of the open walking path. I wondered why people weren’t leaving, but I just kept walking towards the exit, and all of a sudden, everyone started clapping as I was walking out.
They were chanting “Ollie, Ollie. You made our trip, Ollie Ollie, you were the best part of the trip. Ollie Ollie, don’t leave.” I couldn’t believe it. I got to the end, and the Captain put his hand out and said it was the best trip he ever conducted, and I was the reason why. My Mom overheard some of this as she was waiting for me outside.
Mom was desperate to understand what and why this commotion was all about me. All I could say was “I’m invited to Pancho’s for dinner with some people from Breakfast. She knew Pancho’s restaurant well, as she loved it too.
Reflecting on it, I think the group of people had to have planned this farewell send-off for me. Why would such a large group all of a sudden line up on both sides of the walkway to exit, to say Ollie, don’t leave?
That was my last family holiday with My Mom, and I don’t think she ever found out about my antics that first night or the morning events on the ship.
Going out with the four for dinner was different, not because of the food and Margaritas, but they all experienced me knocking on their bedroom doors on the cruise ship. They all planned to bring that up during our dinner and go into some of the details as to why I was only wearing a sock.
“Ollie, you were carrying two shoes in one hand, and you had draped the rest of your clothes over your other arm. But you did have one sock on, I guess, to keep you warm.” It was all a blur, but they had the details.
They also reminded me that I had danced with each of them at different times on the first night. Then, when I knocked on their doors, as they had two rooms, they thought I wanted to come in, rather than me wanting to find my room.
It was a trip to “Nowhere,” but it seems I was EVERYWHERE!
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ifOnlyi…short stories follow my true-life journey. If you've just found me, you can check out my publication and choose a story of interest or start from # 1.
You wrote this story with nuances that might relate to many. It really spoke to me. Thank you for sharing your unique experiences and memoir, Ollie. It is a delightful read for me.
Too funny, even though it might not have been for you. I’m sure you can laugh about it now(?), it could have been worse.