Another Of Mom's Parties, This One Ended Needing A New Washing Machine

Who would ever have thought, and he was a Doctor...Issue #52

ifOnlyi…could have thrown as many parties in my lifetime as my Mom. Especially ones that kept guests laughing years later, and no one got hurt.

As usual, it was a perfectly planned party and one of Mom’s frequent memorable events. This one was with the office staff and a few of her friends and neighbors.

Music was playing, guests mingled, and the drinks flowed. Food was served as a buffet, not the usual sit-down dinner service she often catered. It was getting close to 10 p.m., and Mom came to me and asked if I had seen her friend Dr. Bob.

“No,” I replied, “It has been a while. She asked if I could kindly go look for him, so I went on the hunt.

He was not a tall Doctor, around five feet five inches, and in his early 60s. I searched, entered all the bedrooms and bathrooms, knocked before entering, and even looked in the luggage closet. Bob was nowhere to be found!

Next, I went outside and walked the grounds. I even went into the dog run, as we had a Great Dane male—a huge one. I looked in his Dog house. It was the size of a small house. How stupid, but where the hell was Bob?

As I went through the garage back into the house, I walked down the corridor past the one place I had yet to look when out came Dr Bob, a bit unsteady on his feet. He looked baffled as he looked at me and said, “ Ollie, when did you get the new toilet? I’ve never seen one like that before.”

“WHAT… do you mean, Bob?” I replied. “I had to climb up and stand on top to open up the toilet lid to take a pee. I’ve never seen one like that before, and I had difficulty climbing back down,” he uttered.

Now, I was worried as I realized he had just walked out of the laundry room.

“You mean you climbed on top of the dryer, Bob, and opened up the washing machine to take your piss - no way.”

“No, not in the Washing Machine,” he replied. “It was a toilet.”

“We have never had a toilet in our laundry room, nor have we had any thoughts of one either.”

When his wife heard what had happened, she grabbed his arm and rushed him straight home before he did anything else to cause her more embarrassment. Bob and his wife were both well-known USC alumni. This event never affected their friendship, and they remained dear friends for many years.

Mom bought a new washing machine after that party, and I have no doubt both my parents are still laughing in their graves.

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#…ifOnlyi… short stories are published chronologically and follow my life growing up in California from 4 years old. If you’ve just found me, the stories will come together when you start reading from...Issue #1