It Really Was The Flight From Hell. What Happened?

Robert Redford lost ALL respect for me!...Issue #45

If only I…hadn’t drunk the beer to accompany my chili. I would not have lost ALL respect from one of Hollywood’s greatest actors.

It was a fantastic long weekend break. We left our offices right after work on Thursday evening to catch our flight. My Mother took some of our office staff and me to Park City, Utah, one of our favorite ski Resorts and mountains, for a short ski vacation. Mom believed in treating her staff to special weekend breaks.

The trip went perfectly. No one got hurt, and the skiing vacation went without any incidents. Until…..

We all arrived at the airport early on Sunday evening, as everyone needed to get back home and make it to work Monday morning. We were flying with PSA Airlines, well-known for its brilliant ski weekends. They handled all the skis with care, so everyone was happy.

The flight was due to leave an hour after our arrival. Mom asked if everyone would like to eat chili in the airport restaurant. It was nothing fancy, but we all said yes. The chili was fantastic. I ordered a large bowl. It had a bite to it—you know, the kind that if you stopped for a minute to rest, your mouth became hotter.

So we ordered beers, and that went down well—really well. Then, as we were eating, we heard over the airport intercom that our flight back to LAX was delayed—not by a few minutes but by three hours. A storm was pounding down, and to take off, they needed to de-ice and clear the runway.

After we finished our bowls of chili and drank several more beers, we started boarding the plane. We all took our seats. I was sitting about five rows back from the front. The aircraft was only about 60% full, and everyone was tired.

I sat by the window, and the person next to me sat on the outside, leaving the middle seat open. As we prepared for take-off, I buckled in and started to fall asleep.

I laid my head on the window and was out like a light. The next thing I knew, the plane was landing in Los Angeles.

I woke up, startled, and noticed the person sitting next to me was gone. Then, I saw the oxygen masks hanging from the ceiling. I looked around; every seat was empty, and passengers were on their feet.

• What the heck happened?

• Why didn’t I know about this?

• Why were the oxygen masks hanging over each seat?

• Was everyone okay?

As we pulled up to the gate, everyone quickly grabbed their luggage and started to exit promptly. I mean, they had pep in their step.

Just then, two people stood in the row before me. They turned around, and with the most horrific look on their faces, the man said, “You’re not well, young man!”

The person who said that to me was, in fact, Robert Redford! His Girlfriend was the other person with him. “Me? I’m fine!” I said, “What happened?”

Before he could say another word, my Mother greeted me and said, “Ollie, you ruined the entire flight for everyone.” “Why? What in the world did I do? I asked. “I slept the whole way.” She replied, “You are responsible for the Oxygen masks dropping so everyone could survive.”

“YOU FARTED THE ENTIRE TWO AND A HALF HOURS until you woke up.”

“Robert Redford was way too embarrassed to leave his seat. He didn’t want the publicity and had to suffer inches away from you and your nightmare for the entire flight. Ask anyone flying home. We are lucky the pilot didn’t crash.”

Please don’t fly with PSA next time!

“The combination of Chili and your beers did not agree with you, Ollie. Never again try that combo.”

Almost immediately after that flight ended, PSA Airlines went bankrupt; I hope I didn’t contribute to their demise that night. I'm kidding!

…ifOnlyi… short stories are published chronologically and follow my life growing up in California from 4 years old. If you’ve just found me, the stories will come together when you start reading from...Issue #1