UCLA Hospital Unravels Mystery of My Headaches and Rare Rash"
Two Weeks of Tests and Spinal Tap. It's Shingles! No Treatment, no Cure... Issue #36
If Only i… weren’t being used as the Hospital's lab rat, my duration at UCLA would have been 4 days, not 14! The hospital staff, the best there was, did not know what the feck caused my suffering and headbanging sessions in my bedroom before I was rushed to UCLA Hospital by Ambulance.
The rumor was that it was something from the outer limits, and I became the subject of their trial-and-error testing.
I arrived by ambulance and was greeted with the utmost respect and care. I truly felt like I was in great hands. I was suffering something more significant than a migraine. My head not only suffered from whatever the aliment was but also from my pounding it on the wall at home. As I wrote in my previous newsletter.
I was now in a room; it seemed large and had chairs and a hospital bed. Doctor Covel, our family Doctor, arrived and jumped right in. He looked at my overall state of being and decided to give me some injections for the head pain.
By then, I was hooked up to machines and a drip, full steam ahead. The Doctor knew my family well, was a close friend, and a genuine man.
At 5 feet tall, he played a mean game of tennis, which he enjoyed daily.
He leaned over as I was starting to float away, the drip of the meds rolling through my bloodstream, and whispered into my ear, “Ollie, I know how much you love the beautiful ladies, so I requested someone exceptional for you. She’s a redhead.” “Ok. Thank you, Doc.” I replied in a muddled voice.
Not long after, I was visited by my new UCLA Doctor. She had sweeping, long red hair and looked like Ann-Margret. Yes, you read that right. I had a Swedish redhead to care for me during my stay, and I felt the happiest I had ever been.
I don't believe I spoke a sensible word while she was in the room on that first visit; it certainly wasn't from the pain meds dripping through my veins but more my complete amazement at the beauty of this Doctor. I was more than numb; I was becoming dumb!!!
I’ll call her Doctor Beauty, as I can't recall her name, and maybe I never knew it. She said, “Ollie, I’m here to help determine what's wrong. Don't worry about a thing. I will be doing a thorough examination on you, and I promise you’re in good hands.
Just then, My Mom and Dad walked into the room. Dad blurted out, “Wow, what do we have here, Ollie?” Mom went over and sat into one of the plush chairs, and Dad, without hesitation, walked over to Doctor Beauty and put his hand out to introduce himself. I know he only wanted to feel her skin.
Dirty dog!
I can only recall Dad saying, “So you’re Ollie's Doctor!” “Yes,” she replied. Doctor Covel asked me to handle Ollie's case, and I will give him a thorough examination.”
Dad laughed, "By thorough," you mean head to toe, including every orifice"?” “Yes, sir! We must understand why he has broken out in this weird-looking rash on only half of his body.”
Next, I hear Mom say, “Ollie, did you know you have a private Chef and a mouthwatering menu to choose from? Look at all these options! I think I will stay for dinner. Is that okay, Doctor Beauty?” “Why yes, I will make sure you can enjoy lots of time together,” she responded. Mom’s amazed when she sees Lobster Thermador on the dinner menu. I will take that, she says.
Dad looks at the menu, orders a Filet with a Caesar salad, and says, "Any chance I can have a Martini?" “Be right up,” the Doctor says and laughs simultaneously. I’ll see what the nurse says when you give her your orders, but don't count on it." Dad is elated not to be with me or Mom but is glassy-eyed at the fact that this is my Doctor.
“Bye, everyone,” she says as she walks out the door. !I will see you tomorrow, Ollie, and start the testing. Bye-bye for now.”
Dad says, “You lucky bastard, you’re getting a full exam from that lovely lady.” “Dad, what does that mean? full exam?” Not only was I becoming increasingly overwhelmed with the thought of what Doctor Beauty would do to me!
How, in God's name, will I keep from getting excited and embarrassed simultaneously, if you know what I mean? I had to think of a way to avoid having the complete exam; there was no way I could handle it.
When the meal came, we all ate together, and unfortunately for Dad, it was a big no-no regarding the Martini. Mom was in heaven as she was a light eater, always tasting bits of each offering on the plate but never eating everything. She felt it was not ladylike, so she always asked for a go-bag.
This one time, Mom ate the entire meal and loved it. Okay, Ollie, we will come by after work tomorrow to see you and have another meal. “I hope you feel better by then, Ollie. No cooking needed tonight,” and they walked out. Here, I was alone for the first time.
I learned that my next-door neighbor was Erik Estrada, the actor from CHIPS, the TV series about motorcycle police officers that ran in the late 1970s and early 1980s. He’d had a bad accident while filming CHIPS, and truth be told, I did enjoy watching his show; I must find a way to see him, I thought.
Over the next week, I went through every test and machine I think UCLA Hospital had to offer; I had blood taken every day. I felt myself wilting up from the amounts taken, but it was more likely from being ill.
Now I was getting more and more pain medication dripped into my veins and pills not only for my head pain but for this painful rash that the Doctors were so perplexed about, and they were determined to find out what it was.
I, on the other hand, wanted to leave because I didn't want the Doctor to do a prostate exam or check anything else down there. You know, the one where they ask you to cough and cough again while they are holding your berries, checking for hernias. You now can understand my worry. :-(
It wouldn’t go as planned with Doctor Beauty doing the exam herself. I had a VERY WILD image that continued to pop up…
Mom, Dad, and a few office staff often showed up to see how I was coping. I knew the word had gotten around about my Doctor Beauty, and they all wanted to see if they could get a peek and try to keep me in good spirits.
I would've offered them a meal, but for some reason, they didn't believe me that there was a private chef or Erik Estrada on the floor I was on. They thought I was having hallucinations.
I now have been gently rubbed down by the nurses 4 or 5 times a day on my chest with calamine lotion for this rare painful rash. It wasn't working too well, so Doctor Beauty said they were going to give me a spinal tap next.
“What The Heck is that doctor?” I asked. “It's a very long needle, Ollie. I must put it into your spine to gather fluid for an important test, as we still do not have a diagnosis,” Dr. Beauty responded.
Dad was there when she explained this procedure, and he said, "When will you do this? Tomorrow." Okay, how about joining us for Dinner tonight, the three of us? Look at Dad, go.
Doctor Beauty looked at the menu and said, "Please order for me, Ollie." I only hoped we got her order right!
What a night! There were lots of laughs, and if you knew my Dad, he used lots of Charm too. He seemed like he was in Love!
Oh, No, Dad. She is mine. She was 35 or so, and I was 17—that would work perfectly, or so I thought.
The next day, they numbed me up well, very well indeed. I was strapped down tightly, too. The long-ass needle went in. I felt nothing, but as they explained, I could not move. Not even an inch, or I could be paralyzed.
After the test results came back, it turned out that I had something they called Shingles. In 1977, they had not seen too many, if any, Shingles in someone of my age, and I was the testing lab guy for what turned out to be 14 nights in the UCLA Hospital.
There was no cure, no pill, no nothing to rid me of the misery I went through; it was new. No Vaccine or treatment had been discovered at that time. Most know what shingles are today, and I can promise you one thing: I pray you never get it.
In closing, I found out that Doctor Beauty was dating someone she liked, and I visited with Erik Estrada while he was recovering.
I will never forget those 14 nights, and I hope you won't either. By the way, I only got into that part of the Hospital because of Doctor Covel. He and his Brother were big donors who helped build that wing. For that, I must say, Bless you, Dr. Covel, forever and ever…
…ifOnlyi… short stories are published chronologically and follow my life growing up in California from 4 years old. If you’ve just found me, the stories will come together when you start reading from...Issue #1